In a recent session to educate both foreigners and the locals as to some differences between Japanese and Western Cultures we were told about “Honne and Tatemae”
Honne and Tatemae are Japanese words that describe recognized social phenomena.
Honne (本音) refers to a person’s true feelings and desires. These may be contrary to what is expected by society or what is required according to one’s position and circumstances, and they are often kept hidden, except with one’s closest Friends.
Tatemae (建前), literally “façade,” is the behaviour and opinions one displays in public. Tatemae is what is expected by society and required according to one’s position and circumstances, and these may or may not match one’s honne.
So what does all this mean? It means the result of the meeting you just had isn’t necessarily what you thought. Often, especially where Gaijin are involved there’ll be a follow up “Japanese only” meeting where the true opinions of the people involved are expressed. In any case, the purpose of the meeting and it’s outcome if you thought there was one, wasn’t what you thought.
For those of us learning Japanese we can try as we might to learn the language but it’s impossible for us to confidently assert that they can fully comprehend honne and tatemae.
Since the ultimate goal in Japan is to maintain harmony at all points of time, opinions are never really openly expressed, emotions are not shown, and public confrontations are unheard of. You’ll rarely hear Japanese people saying “can’t wait for the weekend”, “don’t work too hard” or similar expressions that are common in western culture to honestly describe what you’re feeling.
The Japanese are able to resolve differences internally and not show others their true feelings. As an example, after working a standard 12 to 14 hour day instead of going home to relax cause you’re tired, the Japanese will go out drinking with colleagues (Nomikai) at an Izakaya restaurant pretending to have a great time. It’s no secret and everyone is aware of honne and tatemae so everyone knows everyone else is putting on a show, and harmony is maintained.
Lastly, if you still don’t get it let me explain with a sample conversation between myself and a young lass by the name of Akiko;
Neil: “Are you OK?”
Akiko: “Yes, i’m fine” (tatemae)
Then i asked again,
Neil: “Do you have a headache?”
Akiko: “Yes, i do” (honne)
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I’m still pretty confused with this post…=/
-Mike
Interesting post-
It means the result of the meeting you just had isn’t necessarily what you thought. Often, especially where Gaijin are involved there’ll be a follow up “Japanese only” meeting where the true opinions of the people involved are expressed.
You know, years ago I thought by attending the meetings I would be recognized as a good worker, wow this foreigner is really trying, look at him…oh how wrong I was, yet the experience was crude jpn practice…kinda, never really felt part of the conversation, more like an observer or guest.
These days meetings – are like dodge ball, I avoid em at all cost.
If something is that important just tell me.
The paradox of Japanese ways to the western mind.
When I was living in Vancouver, I was going out with a Japanese girl. This post reminds me of when I first met her parents at their home for an evening meal and a meet-the-bf session. She did all the translating as they couldn’t speak English. Afterwards, I thought the evening was a washout, they didn’t like me. The next day, Julie was estatic, they liked me after all 