I Can’t Win, I Won’t Win, I Don’t Want To Win

December 31, 2007 · 14 comments

As i relax in Melbourne on what’s going to be a stinking hot 42′C New Years Eve i came across an interesting story on CNN about a growing group, ~4500 members so far, of Japanese men trying to be better husbands.

When i get back to Japan later this week i’ll wrap up what’s been a fantastic, and at times busy, trip back to Australia. Right now it’s time for a swim followed closely by a cold beer then get ready to party on a mates place … photos to come.

Here’s the basics of the article which, if i didn’t live in Japan, i would have thought it was an April Fools Day prank.

Smoke hovered over the dinner and beer disappeared as quickly as it was poured.

At first glance, it looked like a typical Friday night post-work scene played out all over Tokyo’s taverns.

Drunk Salary Man

But then your eyes stop on a poster-sized sign propped up next to one of the middle-aged men. It reads:

Three Golden Rules of Love:

• Thank you (say it without hesitation)

• I am sorry (say it without fear)

• I love you (say it without embarrassment)

All the men at the table stood up. Equally spaced out and still wearing their stiff black suits, they chanted in unison, “I can’t win! I won’t win! I don’t want to win!”

The chant was followed by a deep bow, a straightening of the backs, big smiles and a burst of applause. The meeting of the “National Chauvinistic Husbands Association” was underway.

If you’re confused at this point, don’t fret. The group is called the National Chauvinistic Husbands Association because it’s a club for bossy husbands who need help (a little lost in translation effect here).

So the title is appropriate for this group of men. In an abrupt about face from traditional Japanese relationships, the men are learning how to give their wives more respect.

More poster signs surrounded the men at the meeting:

Three Golden Rules of Renewing Family:

• Let’s Listen

• Let’s Write

• Let’s Talk

Three Golden Rules for Extramarital Affairs:

• I don’t do it

• I am not doing it

• I am not even thinking about it

And there’s even a system of ranking your husbandry in the club:

Rank 1: Love your wife after three years of marriage

Rank 2: Help with the household work

Rank 3: No extramarital affairs, or at least keep it a secret from her

Rank 4: Ladies first

Rank 5: Hold hands with your wife in public

Rank 6: Listen to what your wife has to say carefully and seriously

Rank 7: Solve issues between your wife and your mother

Rank 8: Say thank you without hesitation

Rank 9: Say I’m sorry without fear

Rank 10: Say I love you without embarrassment

For the complete story and video you can find it here.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 -Paul December 31, 2007 at 6:20 pm

amazing..and I can believe it…. bit of an insight as to why gaijin can be so popular, most of us would shoot straight to level 5… but may find it tough dealing with level 6.. ;-) kidding of course :-)

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2 Neil January 1, 2008 at 10:40 am

It’s a good position to be in i agree, just treating a lady how she should be treated and we’re viewed so highly ….. i know you’re kidding about the listening part …. most of the time anyway. ;-)

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3 Tyler January 1, 2008 at 6:00 am

Hilarious! That picture reminds me of a guy I saw in Kyoto that had passed out on the sidewalk. It was only 8pm!

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4 Felix January 1, 2008 at 9:53 am

I personally find Rank 3 highly amusing. Hm, I might be wrong but, isn’t that confusing signals?

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5 Neil January 1, 2008 at 10:37 am

It is hard to believe they’ve actually included that one.

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6 Mike January 3, 2008 at 5:35 am

Gender issues are always an interesting discussion in Japan – especially when it comes to relationships. Japan is still much more gender split than the US or the UK, but I think with more people, especially foreigner visitors, treating genders equally they will make big steps :)

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7 Neil January 3, 2008 at 9:57 am

Couldn`t agree with you more Mike.

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8 Andy January 6, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Very interesting story, thanks. I’ll check out the video later.

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9 K Owusu January 19, 2008 at 4:35 am

Love the story, but don’t quite see where the picture fits in. It’s definitely on a train right? I lived in Japan for a while a few years ago, and it reminds me of the time I was on the train, and some random Japanese guy decided to sleep on my shoulder. He had a really heavy head! I would push him away, and then he would sleep on the other person next to him. She would do the same, and eventually I just gave up, and let him sleep on me for the rest of the journey. When it came to the last stop however, the guy wouldn’t wake up. It took me and some other guy a good few minutes, slapping this guy around the face till he came to. When he did, (and this is the best bit) he just got up like totally nothing happened, and walked off like it was just a normal day. Not a word, not a flinch, didn’t even look in our direction. Just left. Me and the guy stood there for a while trying to figure out what the hell just happened!

Great Blog by the way, and sorry for writing so much.

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10 me May 18, 2009 at 2:29 pm

don’t be silly– the vast majority of japanese women want nothing to do with foreign men, and this change for the better in japanese men will make that tiny number dwindle even more. white guys are seen as hairy, smelly, fat, and emotionally independent. YUCK!

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11 me May 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm

*emotionally dependent.

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12 Neil May 19, 2009 at 9:50 am

Not sure you’re right there …. i know plenty of girls that like western men. Agree that Japanese blokes should smarten their act up though, as the new breed of guys are from what i can tell.

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